Gary Daughtry
English 1213
Professor Hammett
14 February 2023
Word Count: 1089
The Mess In Conceited Conception
Frederick Stinson, author of The Journal of Clinical Psychiatry, states that 6.2 percent of people have narcissistic personality disorder, or “NPD” (Stinson). This may not seem like a substantial amount at first, but note that 6.2% of a population of 8 billion results in about 496,000,000 people being affected by narcissistic personality disorder. Many of these people are bound to be parents and should not be. The best way to end this social epidemic is for narcissists not to have children. So, to understand why narcissists should not have children, one must first know how narcissistic personality disorder works, the ramifications it can have on parenting, that people with NPD use parenthood as an avenue to channel their narcissism and how those ramifications can harm the children.
There are many ways NPD can present itself. For example, Stinson says that "Narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) is characterized by a pervasive pattern of grandiosity, need for admiration, interpersonal exploitativeness, and lack of empathy, beginning in early adulthood and manifesting in a variety of contexts" (Stinson). So how could someone dealing with NPD be a responsible parent? However, some people would say that regardless of the irresponsibility, narcissists still deserve the right to have children. While it is true that constitutionally they have the right to have children, morally it is unfair to the child. Being able to place a high level of care and empathy for a child is required for responsible parenting; which is simply not possible for a narcissist. Because of the risk run by lack of care, they should not be in charge of raising children.
The ramifications NPD can have on parenting are vast. Lea Lis, clinical professor at NYU, says that growing up with a narcissist mother “can cause psychological harm if not given the proper attention” (Lis). Having a narcissistic parent presents unique challenges, such as struggling to feel seen or cared about by the parent. Having a parent who is emotionally unavailable can lead to neglectful feelings and emotional damage. Emotional neglect is highly detrimental to the healthy development of an adolescent or child. People need support systems in place to grow and strong support systems are a major part of the responsibilities held by a parent. This is why people with narcissistic personality disorder not having children is a worthwhile sacrifice in an effort to avoid neglect. It is for the betterment of the kids themselves.
Another risk of having people with NPD raise children is that they often use parenthood as an avenue to channel their narcissism, placing outlandish standards onto their children . Elija Akin, co-founder of the Unfilteredd organization, says in the article "Why Do Narcissists Have Children?" that "Narcissists have children to feel good about themselves," and that having children “helps them to fit in and be accepted by society, fulfills their need for power and control, and allows them to chase their fantasies by living vicariously through their children'' (Akin). A parent with all of these characteristics mixed together makes for a difficult-to-manage life for a young person. A NPD parent can put added pressure on their family by setting unrealistic goals for their own conceded agendas. Most people want to make their parents proud, but when a parent will never be proud no matter what, then the child feels defeated. Narcissistic parents who use their kids to fulfill a need for power is an unfair reality too many kids today grow up with.
People who think narcissists need to be aware of co-narcissism, and how it However, Alan Rappoport, author of "Co-Narcissism: How We Accommodate to Narcissistic Parents," here explains the concept of co-narcissism as "the way that people accommodate to narcissistic parents." Accommodating narcissism allows people to develop narcissistic behaviors. In the accommodation of harmful behaviors, children are in vulnerable positions, and having to cater to their NPD parents' feelings is dangerous. It is dangerous for their emotional well-being because if a child of a narcissist is not properly cared for, they could become aggressive, either verbally or physically. So, in a world where NPD people do not have children, fewer people will develop NPD traits.
In the humanities and social sciences communications article "Information: a missing component in understanding and mitigating social epidemics," authors Roger D. Magarey and Christina M. Trexler are both tasked with "investigating the idea that information can play an important role in transmitting social epidemics." (Magarey & Trexler). In their article, they find that "harmful information acts as a contagious agent that affects human behavior and spreads these epidemics" (Magarey & Trexler). People seem to learn mostly by imitation, like how a child learns to talk by mimicking the sounds those around them make. This rings true for social behaviors as well; for example, if someone is raised by an argumentative parent, there is a good chance they will be argumentative as well. If this is true, then it is fair to suggest that traits from NPD can manifest themselves into new learned behaviors, which only further the narcissism epidemic and are harmful for both the world as a whole and especially the children of narcissists.
What can be done to keep these people from having kids? Trying to enforce rules on who can and cannot have kids is almost impossible, so what needs to be done is that there needs to be available resources for people on how to manage their NPD. This can be done using programs such as Custody X Change, “an organization that helps parents create and track professional-quality parenting plans” (Custody X Change). If people with NPD had regulated systems in place in their lives, like the ones offered by Custody X Change, then they could learn to control their NPD tendencies. Structures can help both the parents and children being harmed by the epidemic.
It is apparent that people suffering from narcissistic personality disorder should not have children. This is because the way NPD makes people behave makes them unfit to be caring parents, leaving children emotionally neglected and damaged. NPD parents will also pass on narcissistic personality traits, advancing the epidemic even more. Even with the sacrifice of the right to have children, knowing that it is for the benefit of most, it is the first and most paramount step in the effort to end the narcissism epidemic. Now that it is understood that people with NPD should not have children, it is time for social change. Once steps such as the ones outlined here are taken, the narcissism epidemic can be mitigated.
Works Cited
Akin, Elijah. “Why Do Narcissists Have Children?” Why Do Narcissists Have Children?, Unfilteredd LLC., 5 Oct. 2022, https://unfilteredd.net/why-do-narcissists-have-children/#:~:text=Narcissists%20have%20children%20to%20feel,living%20vicariously%20through%20their%20children.
Co-Narcissism: How We Accommodate to Narcissistic Parents - Alan Rappoport. www.alanrappoport.com 2005 https://alanrappoport.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/09/Co-Narcissism-Article.pdf.
Lis, Lea. “Growing up with a Narcissistic Mother.” Psychology Today, Sussex Publishers, 31 Mar. 2022, https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-shameless-psychiatrist/202203/growing-narcissistic-mother.
“Parenting with a Narcissist: Tips and Strategies.” Co-Parenting With a Narcissist: Tips and Strategies, Custody X Change, https://www.custodyxchange.com/topics/custody/special-circumstances/co-parenting-with-narcissist.php.
Stinson, Frederick S et al. “Prevalence, correlates, disability, and comorbidity of DSM-IV narcissistic personality disorder: results from the wave 2 national epidemiologic survey on alcohol and related conditions.” The Journal of clinical psychiatry vol. 69,7 (2008): 1033-45. doi:10.4088/jcp.v69n0701